As Years Go By

You can never truly understand loneliness unless you have been surrounded by friends and family, only to have them all be torn from you or desert you.

I don't know what I'm doing any more. I can't find a job, I keep getting angry at Marty and he's not even doing anything. I feel like I'm going to explode.

I've been crying for 5 straight minutes and I don't even know why. There's no one here to consol me right now and maybe that's my own fault. I live in the middle of no where, the one realy friend I've ever really had is so far away, the ones I have here are all busy with their own lives. I can't call my family because they would only yell at me for god knows what. It's times like this that I wish I could go back in time to when my mother held me when I cried instead of being the cause of my tears.

There's so much pressure that it's suffocating me. My grandmother and I kinda got into today because I was getting mad at her. She has no idea what's going on in my life. I have no idea about what's going on in my life.

I just want some one to sit here with me in my hobbit hole and eat ice cream with me and watch movies with me and cry with me. You know, one of those childhood/best friends every one is talking about so much.

I shouldn't feel this lonely. I have plenty of friends. But it just seems that when I need them the most, they aren't there and it's not because I've pushed them away, it's because they have their own lives and we haven't been friends that long.

I'm going to write an e-mail and cry some more or something.