I know I'm ranting

I've said before the history likes to repeat itself.

I noticed that I must like it to repeat because I do the same things over and over again.

I have never graduated with my friends and University is no different. When all my friends graduate this coming June, I will not. I will be working and going to summer school. I'm graduating in November.

I did this in highschool. I stayed behind. And even now, when most of my friends and the people I know go on to their careers, I'll be in college. Studying and going to class. I'll be almost twenty-five before I finish everything. Maybe twenty-six. I don't know yet. Either way, I will not know many or any people in my graduating class.

Then at college I will once again be surrounded by younger people that I don't know.

Hopefully I'll at least have my license by then. Hopefully I'll even have a car. We'll see.


I've got to start acting my age and not thirteen. I've got to stop laughing like a kid all the time and slacking off.


This sunday I will have been with Marty for four years. That's a long time and I'm trying not to feel like things have gone sour. We don't do anything, everything he does pisses me off lately and there is no reason for anything he does to be any different than when we first started dating. Maybe it's because he doesn't even know what he wants to do with the rest of his life still. He's fumbling between being an actor and a mechanic. He wants to buy a house and open his own business in the same year, something which he cannot afford. I find myself getting more and more angry at his idiocy when it comes to things like this. I get mad because he wants to do all these things and he doesn't have any kind of plan at all. Sometimes I wonder if I was really meant to be alone.

In all truth, I didn't want to have a boyfriend when I came to University. I wanted to flirt shamelessly and date. I didn't want to be a whore or anything, I just wanted to have a good time.


That brings me to another thing that's pissing me off.

My closest friend here in Hamilton, I daresay he's my bestfriend here, is a boy. He lives in a house with a bunch of other boys. They all say things like, 'are they fucking yet?' 'have you put the moves on her yet?' and such. They all KNOW I have a boyfriend and some have even met him. I'm getting sick and tired of their jackassedness. I mean, this is University. I know it's impossible for people to mature so quickly, but these guys are SO immature that it's driving me crazy. And then there are moments when I like to hang out with them because they can have fun. But I think I'm going nuts. I don't want to be a bitch and I've put up with it for a long time. But I think I'm going to snap real soon. Some one might get hurt. Seriously. I'm angry.


And other things that make me angry.

During the summer one of the guys from work was having a problem with this girl he liked and his best friend who is a girl. He needed a friend and I was there for him. I would stay up until 2 am or so until he got home from work and listen to him talk if he needed it. Last summer was basically devoted to keeping him sane because he had issues to deal with. Since I want to go into the counselling field, I thought it was good practice.

Then September comes along and suddenly I'm no longer important. A mutual friend sent a postcard for me through him in DECEMBER and I only found out about it about a week ago. We had made plans to get together on campus this past Tuesday. He was supposed to call me so that we could meet up when he was finished with stuff. NO PHONE CALL. No e-mail saying he was sorry to be late or not call or anything.

FUCK YOU USER! That's right. You read it here. I'm sick of this BULLSHIT.

There. I feel a bit better.