単独で

It started as a pin prick when I was eight and steadily it grew.

Now it is a void that takes up a large space in my heart; a void that feels painful when I think about it too much. My heart starts to ache and I feel like something inside of me is falling apart.

I've survived and I will continue to do so, trying not to bore the world with endless mentions of my past and pain. Every one is tired of it, I know. I'm tired of it too. Just when I thought that I could deal with this loss, when I thought I was fine, I blew it.

I started to talk to my father and now I never hear from him any more. He has a new family now. There is no place for me there. My mother is trying to come back into the picture and every time I look at her a part of me screams inside against her. I don't want to look at her, I don't want to acknowledge that she is there. I don't want to relive those nightmares again and again.

When I see how both of them live without me, yet they want to take credit for my accomplishments, it angers me. They have no right, either of them, to take any credit for who I have become and the things I will do in my future.

So I sit here and contemplate my emptiness and wonder if the void will ever be filled.