Ever Since You've Been Gone, The Lights Go Out The Same

Some good news. Some more of my endless complaints.

Good news first I guess.

My aunt wants me to sing at her wedding so I've been rehearsing here in my basement hole. I think we've settled on 'The Rose' but it's been a long time since I sang like this. I have to get my range back in action.

I went to a counselling appointment yesterday. It was fun. Patrick makes my day. He told me I should consider being a stand-up comedian lol Am I really that funny? I just thought I was a dork, but whatever works!

I have an exam tonight that I think I'll do alright on. This isn't good or bad news. It just kinda hangs there in limbo with the categories. I have another tomorrow morning at 9 that I hope I do well on. I'm banking on C's in all my classes. I SO don't care any more. As long as I pass, that's all that matters.

Ok, bad news.

While my mother did not show up at Easter, I had to hear about her anyways. I had to hear that my brother broke up with his girlfriend because she's a whore (I could've told you that) and that my mother broke up with her boyfriend because he was a disgusting drunk pervert (I could've told you that too). So my grandmother was going on about how they were both so lonely etc etc. I don't care. Is that cold of me? I don't think so. And then my mother called to tell that she wasn't coming and said that I had taken my baby books and I must have taken Ashton's as well so could I give it back. See, there's a problem with that story. I wasn't ALLOWED to take any photo albums or my baby book when I left. I was told that I wasn't 'old enough' to appreciate them. Whatever.

My grandmother and I get in fights over my mother regularly now. It's not really fights, it's more like arguments where I'm never right. My grad photos will be arriving at her home soon. I hope she doesn't expect me to give one to my mother. If she does, I can just write on the back of it: 'this is how far I came without you'. Yeah right. If I did that, I'd be disowned.

Some times I wish I was. You know, disowned. Then I wouldn't have to put up with all this bull shit all the time. I'm never being praised for anything that I've done. I've worked my ass off to get here. It's not easy when no one seems to care. All my family can say is: 'why aren't you done yet?' 'what kind of job will you get? Will you make a lot?' 'you don't have any money. Why are you bothering' etc etc etc. Gee. Thanks for the support guys.

I mean, it's not like I want to hear it every second of every day, but it would be nice that they would praise me instead of slamming me into the dirt. I'm sure there are lots of people who have to go through this.

I'm at a standstill with my studying. For this subject, I feel like I know enough and that no matter how much more I study, it won't make a difference. I don't want to start studying hardcore for my exam tomorrow until this one tonight is over because I don't want to get confused.

Anyways. I think I'm going to take a brain break for a bit longer. I've been watching tv a bit and going over my study sheets at commercials. That kind of works.

Out for now.