It's Getting To The Point Where I Can Be Myself Again

So I quit Tim Horton's. Come on people, find your suprised faces.

I'm stressing a bit about finding a job. The one I wanted doesn't seem like it's going to come through for me and I've got to keep up this charade of pretending I'm still at Tim Horton's.

I went for an interview today at Payless Shoes in Centre Mall. I don't know how to say it went. I thought the whole thing was a little odd, but I did my best and said what I hope landed me a job.

Tomorrow I'm going to go up to Limeridge and take out resumes there. I WILL find a job. I'm going to do everything in my power to find employment. I can't even remember how many places I've applied to so far.

My monitor crapped out on me on Saturday. Future Shop proved to be useless and I had to call the manufacturer of the monitor, BENQ. Basically, I have to send the monitor back to them in Toronto and wait about 2 weeks for them to send it back. Not my idea of great fun.

The next computer I buy is SO going to be a nice laptop. I mean, Marty and I have one now, but this thing is so shitty. It's also really hard to type on when you're used to a keyboard. That and the fact that it doesn't have ANY of my custom bookmarks, none of my files or stories or ANYTHING. I may just go insane until I get my monitor back.

So for right now, it's PS2 all the way. Which reminds me, I MUST work on this next level in my game. I'm SO far in it. Almost to the second disc. YAY!

Out for now.

I HATE WORKING AT TIM HORTON'S!!!!!!!!!!!!


I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!

I Hopelessly, Helplessly, Wonder Why

So much can happen in so short a time. So much.

Marty and I had a fight. Nothing really new here I guess. It was a big one alright. It was on the way to a friend's house. Thank god I am an actress.

It was so big it felt like we broke up. I cried so much last night I woke up with pains in my chest this morning and had to call in sick at my first day of work. The manager didn't seem to mind. She told me that since she was going to be at the other Tim Horton's she manages this weekend that I can come in on Tuesday. I told her I had the stomach flu. How can I explain these pains I have to a total stranger? And had I gone in, my chest would have been bothering me all morning. The pain didn't really go away until about 12 pm.

Today I did the laundry, got rid of all my school stuff from this year, cleaned off the kitchen table that never gets used for it's original purpose, organized the closet a bit, vaccuumed, moped the bathroom floor, and organized all the school books I have. It won't be enough. It never is. Apparently I'm just not good enough. Apparently since I've been out of a job for two weeks due to being laid off I'm taking advantage of Marty.

He told me not to move into his house with him. I said fine. He took it back later, but there is always some truth in what is shouted in anger.

I'm frustrated. A girl I knew back in junior high and the first year of high school is my age. She's got her career in gear, she's married and pregnant. She's 23 just like I am. Where am I?

I'm living in an apartment with my boyfriend while attending school full time and working at Tim Horton's (sort of, still to be negotiated/dealt with). I feel so far behind.

Marty has achieved his goal. He IS a licensed mechanic. He has a shop. He wants to buy a house. Even he is so far a head of me I can't see his back any more.

I feel very out of place. Very.

I'm tired today too. I can't even think about what I want to write in here or in my current story.
Maybe I am useless.

The worst part about the arugment was that he sounded exactly like my mother. Expecting things from me like she did. Dinner, cleaning, so much more. Just like her. There's no point in trying to talk to him about it any more. He doesn't like to talk about things after the fact.

Perhaps he hasn't asked me to marry him because he doesn't WANT to marry me. Who's taking advantage of who now? Who's apartment is this? Who set up everything here?

Bah. It doesn't matter I guess.

I shall go and find something to do with my time.

The Chemicals are Restless in My Head

Yo.

Well, I got laid off on the 24th of April. I landed a job on the 1st of May. I start tomorrow. Here's the catch: I'm currently employed by Tim Horton's and I hate it already. I haven't even had my first shift. The only reason I accepted the job was because no one else had called me back yet.

Tuesday T'Nasha came over and we have fun times! I dragged her to Giant Tiger and then we went to Centre Mall. While we were there I ended up doing a pre-hiring screening at Payless Shoes. Not bad. Hopefully they want to employ me. I would jump at the chance to work there in comparison to freakin Tim Horton's. Anyways, while we were at Centre Mall we went to Siren's and she bought some tank tops. I did my best to keep her away from the Bikini Store. I noticed that Siren's was hiring while we were there. I think today that if I don't hear from my sister around noon I'm going to take my resume's back to Centre Mall and drop some off at Zellers, Sirens and Sears. There's a Barn and Canadian Tire right near Centre Mall, so I think I'll try my luck there as well. It can't hurt. I want out of Tim Horton's ASAP.

I originally signed up for Full Time hours but after attending my summer class and such, I think it would be better for me to only do Part Time hours. That and the fact that I have NO time to see my family if I stay with Full Time. As much as they annoy me, it would suck.

I'm thinking about calling the Shopper's I applied at soon. If I could get a part time job at both Payless and Shopper's, that would ROCK.

Anyways, I've been sick the last few days. Marty was throwing up and such last week and I must have caught it because I puked my guts out on Tuesday after T'Nasha left. It wasn't pretty. I hate throwing up more than anything in the world. I was a little gross-feeling yesterday so I didn't go to my summer school because I didn't want to have to throw up there.

But today I feel good so that unfortunately means I will be well enough to go to my first shift at Tim Horton's. Lovely.

I guess I should eat breakfast for the first time in three days.

Out.