You Still Scream

Moving very soon.

Internet is on the fritz, won't have it again until the 1st of Sept, so if you want to get a hold of me, you have to call my cell phone. House phone is being retarded too.

Anyways, that's it for the update since I'm on some one else's computer and I don't want to take up all their time on it.

Drop me a line or something. Working a lot this next little while too.

Cheers for now.

Your Life Is Borrowed

News!

I'm moving this weekend into the house that Marty bought. So, not sure when the internet and all is going to be hooked up. But as for now, I have access until saturday or sunday.

I'm excited to move. I called Bell today and got the number changed to the new place and I changed my address with the bank and my school. I just have to get in contact with Mohawk in order to change my address with them. I have to do it in person or by phone.

There's going to be a lot of stuff to move. I hope Marty has the friday off so that we can go to Ikea and buy the things that we need before we actually move in. Just a bed frame and some dressers etc. I'm going to figure out what we need and the cost its going to be to my bank account. I think I get paid this weekend which is nice.

Other than that, nothing new to report. I just have to get things in order.

Anyways, out for now while I calculate prices.

Out.

Your Body Will Burn Tonight

Moving at the end of the month. Not sure on which exact day, but around the 25th. I've got to purchase the furniture for the place still and set everything up. Not to mention that I haven't done any packing....not that there's much to pack here. We can move everything in plastic bags if we have to.

Marty is taking vacation at the end of this month. That's when we're going to put the floors in the house and move. During that time he's on vacation I want to find a car too. I'm going to purchase a parking pass anyways and just use the Omni until I get my own car because you need a license plate to get the pass done. It costs $240 for the whole year which is nice.

I picked my school schedule. I have 3 eight am classes a week. It's not so bad. I think I can get used to getting up early again. To think that when I was a kid I used to get up so early to catch the bus and now I can barely make myself get out of bed until ten. It's sad really.

I went to the mall to buy shoes the other day for work and school and I ended up buying CD's instead. Not that I mind. The CD's are better.....

Today I've been listening to a lot of different music. Just gauging how I react to it, what it makes me feel and what it makes me picture in my minds eye.

Since I spend so much time alone there's not much else to do. It's kinda pathetic, but at least I'm doing something.

I'm supposed to be going out tonight with Suzanne, from work, to chill. Not sure if I'm going out with more people or just her. She has to call me first to tell me if she wants to. If she doesn't, I might just go to the liquor store and buy some booze and chill at home on my patio. Or I'll go to the club with Rob and whoever else. It's really all undecided still. But I figure if I don't hear from her by eight I'm just going to go to the liquor store myself and get some stuff. Some Malibu perhaps. Or just plain rum to go with coke. Not sure. I'll decide when I get there what I want to drink.....

I guess this is it for now. I'm going to whip up some spaghetti sauce and just chill.

Out.

単独で

It started as a pin prick when I was eight and steadily it grew.

Now it is a void that takes up a large space in my heart; a void that feels painful when I think about it too much. My heart starts to ache and I feel like something inside of me is falling apart.

I've survived and I will continue to do so, trying not to bore the world with endless mentions of my past and pain. Every one is tired of it, I know. I'm tired of it too. Just when I thought that I could deal with this loss, when I thought I was fine, I blew it.

I started to talk to my father and now I never hear from him any more. He has a new family now. There is no place for me there. My mother is trying to come back into the picture and every time I look at her a part of me screams inside against her. I don't want to look at her, I don't want to acknowledge that she is there. I don't want to relive those nightmares again and again.

When I see how both of them live without me, yet they want to take credit for my accomplishments, it angers me. They have no right, either of them, to take any credit for who I have become and the things I will do in my future.

So I sit here and contemplate my emptiness and wonder if the void will ever be filled.

I Have to Block Out Thoughts Of You So I Don't Lose My Head

Work has been going well. Training for the past week. It's not that hard and actually fun. I made a few friends which is nice. Two girls so far. One of the girls goes to Mohawk College which is nice. I have some one there.

I bought some new glasses. Three new frames and one of them are sunglasses which is cool. I haven't had sunglasses for like, three years. I'll post pictures of them another time. Maybe.

I'm not sure when school starts. I can't pick my courses until the tenth of August, which is retarded because I have to wait so long.

I actually have nothing to write today. Sad isn't it?